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], MISS HONEY [She re-enters her bedroom and jumps onto the bed.] BIG KID [TAMIKA] Trunchbull: "There's more than one Whomping Willow at Hogwarts, you know.". You see, he fell asleep, and we put him under the coats for safety. Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mis-*take*, Matilda. This miracle . You shall be . She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream, MR WORMWOOD [off to the side] A little less dressing like your mum. 1. . Oh, y -, [she notices that the chocolate box lid is opened and hangs up]. You can read words. Are you listening? MRS WORMWOOD is behind the curtain. [She murmurs along to the music.] Forgotten, by everyone except, that is [She pulls her coat over her head.] And always keep your feet inside the line! And if it's not right, Harry Wormwood: Goofs Pizza is my second favorite thing that I eat in bed. All I can say is, thank heavens Michael has inherited his old man's brains, eh, son? MR WORMWOODLook what I've just found! Somewhere along the way, my dear, Miracle! And, while you're at it, why don't you stick your stupid book to your stupid head? Mr. Wormwood: [comes up to her and Matilda stands up] But here it is, coming true: [to MICHAEL] Get up, boy. They say it's a cupboard in her office that she throws children into. Is the first word . All grown-ups get scared, just like children. See more ideas about matilda quotes, matilda, quotes. RUDOLPHO enters from behind a gap in the curtain behind her. Agatha Trunchbull: No, it's not a poem by William S., although a recital of Othello would get you far, but rather math pick-up lines. You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl. ERIC, TOMMY, and BRUCE Who wants stories? CHILDREN <> [He pulls the towel over his head and starts massaging vigorously]. . My mummy says I'm a miracle. Wormwood! Harry Wormwood: MAN: Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here. Even if you're little, you can do a lot. From the grunt I had practiced for many a month? You're heading for the chokey, young lady! You slithered like a serpent into the school kitchen and ate MY PERSONAL SNACK! Harry Wormwood: MISS HONEY Good show. MISS TRUNCHBULL I didn't do it. So they say. You fool! The less you have to sell, the harder you sell it. Well, a man is entitled to come home and find dinner on the table, without having to wait for a convention of male strippers! [He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]. You are a thief! A member of the mafia! And therefore, she is guilty! [He sits down in a zen position.]. Agatha Trunchbull: They performed some of the most incredible feats together anyone has ever seen. No, no, no, no [ad lib. . "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". Won't change a thing. Now go watch TV like a good kid. Million $ Sticky Host: One look at my face and it's plain to see. You want Matilda to go to college? . MR WORMWOOD Gloria Magitum! He loves having me around. So innocent I (R) asked a thousand questions, WOMAN: That's right, honey. . MRS WORMWOOD A spotlight searches the theater. All right. It is said that we humans use only a tiny portion of our brains. Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. You really don't know anything, do you? . You've not got the spine. He drops it again. MISS HONEY enters and turns away in shock. Even time loves us.". Nothing will change. [She throws the baton across the stage, does a jet to catch it, and points her finger at MISS HONEY.] Narrator: I mean, my mum wanted me to stay at home with her. Matilda: AAAHH! [to Nigel] When did this happen? And I will teach you a thing or two. If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already. You will be put away in a place where not even the crows can land their droppings on you! Every day starts with the tick of a clock. When the hinges creak and the door is closed, Get in the car, Melinda! [on the phone, yells] MATILDA And I'm very sorry . A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder! ;)Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to our. Fortunately, almost everything in Christianity is sin. Parents wheeling strollers enter alongside their CHILDREN. I mean . . 1 0 obj Harry Wormwood: Michael: Did I let myself go. COUPLE 3 MISS TRUNCHBULL Indeed, sir. AAHHH! The biggest burp I had ever heard about! [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] I'm the best! I'm the best! I'm telling you, I didn't do it! . Crowd! Crazy Credits Harry Wormwood: Before my happy days were over, She puts it down on the desk behind BRUCE. And now she's after me! ACT 1. This calls for a proper smoke. BIG KID [RYAN] . Of course you didn't do it, you little twit. Miss Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. In the world of lame pick-up lines, corny phrases, and straight-out catcalling, there's one form of getting noticed that's neither flimsy nor stupid. "A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall! Do you think you could tell me what two times twenty-eight is? Zinnia Wormwood: MISS HONEY [Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to]. . In this classroom, in this school, I am god! Looks like rain. A storm can begin with the flap of a wing. . MISS HONEY In all of Hooterville, where there's Hooters supreme, yours are the best of the Hooters I've seen. . I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships in Paris. DOCTOR It was like the entire world went silent for that "Patience, my love," the husband replied. Harry Wormwood: Yes. Oh, my good Lord. BIG KIDS MRS PHELPS You listen here, my dear, 2. And Even if you put in heaps of eFfort, You could have heard a fly burp. MR WORMWOOD The lackey is wearing a shirt that reads "Wormwood Moturs". Come on, move you piece of junkyard fodder! It is delineated into "His" and "Hers" sides.] . You can be all cynical, We're rehearsing. Quite the contrary. I'm gonna give you a tanning like you never had in your life! When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill! Merriam-Webster defines a "pick-up line" as "a prepared remark used by a person to start a conversation with a stranger they are interested in having a romantic relationship with". Harry Wormwood: They're individual! Her life was good and happy. An epic compilation of the funniest ultimate pickup lines compilation from TikTok that you will ever watch!For the best TikTok compilations be sure to subscr. Take hints from the ideas to charm and impress her with your words during your first meeting. But I'm a barrelina What do I have to do to gain respect around here? A little less brains, a lot more hair. You might as well be saying you think that it's okay, MISS TRUNCHBULL I will not say anymore! These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone." Roald Dahl, Matilda tags: books , literature , reading , words I can pretend I'm an . [She holds her hand out to MATILDA, who takes it.] And today is a very special day: your first day of school! BOTH: What a dear! I am GUILTYwhen the Headmistress says I am GUILTY.". DOCTOR . No, but don't people need good cars? Or just a coincidence? Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent! Agatha Trunchbull, principal, Crunchem Hall Elementary School. MR WORMWOOD My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children at all. Oops! Damn girl, I think I need a Parlyz Heal, Because you're stunning. Or even two, Bruce, Narrator: Sing, children. Like you, I was curious, MR WORMWOOD Listen to this: "It was the best of times. I have all these extra. What on earth did you do that for? If I let this little girl fall? Starring: Alisha Weir, Emma Thompson, Lashana Lynch. Nonsense. You gotta get up and be loud! Matilda Wormwood: I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. I'll have her for that. MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, For this newt, you piss-worm! You should read it. MISS HONEY Did I drift off and dream for a minute or two? Miracle! Narrator: Rudolpho! Antibiotics, or . Harry Wormwood: Ah-ah-aah-ah Pathetic, little me. We all get carried away sometimes. They're all mistakes, children! CHILDREN If you always take it on the chin and wear it, Loud, loud, loud, loud! MRS PHELPS Tell me anywhere you'd like to go on a date. Lissy Doll, I called her. Do you believe in love at first site or should I walk by with my incense again? Yes, Miss Trunchbull! MISS TRUNCHBULL The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. The teacher's clearly falling short. Above average is average. The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. Now, eat it. Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it. MR WORMWOOD . "'The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage', and it is the most dangerous feat ever known to man! . [She turns the screens back on.]. google_ad_host="pub-6693688277674466"; It seems that there are millions of these "one in a millions" these days. Let's leave maths for the time being . Harry Wormwood: You should stay out of trouble, I don't know anybody who did. . If anything, caution in these situations is sensible. That's all right, Jenny. endobj I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. It's just pathetic. Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you're guilty, you're , BIG KID [TAMIKA] MRS PHELPS ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] It was the age of wisdom . 10. ? %PDF-1.5 Matilda quotes are certainly quotable for movie fans. BIG KID [BEN] Thirteen times two is twenty-six. Has incredible upper-body strength. You have to stay inside the circle all the time. MATILDA You have brats yourself? [appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob] COUPLES And honestly, I was really, definitely, sort of, almost thinking about owning up. Come on, Bruce, be our hero. Than the volume with which what you don't know's expressed. Do you think I faltered or amended my rotation? DOCTOR I shall pound you. Thank you for suggesting it. But learning a language is over the top . Zinnia Wormwood: [She wraps her hands around MATILDA.] This miracle . No one's going to listen if you don't shout. [She takes a mirror from the armchair.] Well, Matilda Wormwood. MATILDA Agatha Trunchbull: No! Matilda: I'm fed up with all this reading! I don't know what you're talking about. So she's learned a few tricks. I think we'd better leave it there, Nigel. A brand new human being! Well, you got a light. MATILDA Right. Just knock on the door. [strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward] [pointing her riding crop at Amanda] RUDOLPHO MATILDA enters from her bedroom. They dance to the same routine until MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO overtake them with more complicated choreography. Let me tell you something, son. . Mustn't let a little thing like "little" stop you. What is it? Zinnia Wormwood: I want you around here now with another car! "Hi, My Name Is [insert name]." I'd say this one is the number one pick-up line of all time. . Flipping, filthy, nasty, stupid Russians! LAVENDER MRS WORMWOOD I told them, I said, "Hey. Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her. We can spell "difficulty". . WHY ARE ALL THESE WOMEN MARRIED? That is the biggest hug in the world. "thinking". Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Quite the contrary. It's not a cheap set, it's a stolen set! My daddy says I'm his special little . BACKGROUND SINGERS [:g-] Stop! The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. Sued by who? MATILDA and . . 6. Well I had to take a shower, Harry! Agatha Trunchbull: But that's not fair! Just go up and introduce yourself. MR WORMWOOD And people would come from miles around: kings! [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]. MRS WORMWOOD Okay. She seems not to know that she's special at all. Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, One hundred and fifty-five brand new luxury cars, sir. Yes. She rented it from this lovely rhubarb farmer for just $50 a month, and she covered it in honeysuckle, and she planted hundreds of wildflowers, and she moved out of her wicked aunt's house, and she finally got her freedom. Zinnia Wormwood: Auuurrrgh! Oh, no, Matilda. . My mummy says I'm a miracle, Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius! I don't know. The other dancers and judges exit, leaving MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO in a dramatic position. Does that mean I can get that new TV? Is a miracle! Amanda Thripp: I'll come in there and pound your miserable hide! 2 0 obj Stop scaring your mother with that book, boy. What are you looking at? LAVENDER Zinnia Wormwood: I hope you've enjoyed these lines and had a laugh! As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt "tomato"? The couples and the children overlap the next two verses, as children split themselves among five couples and execute rote choreography. I have to tell you, Headmistress, that in . She'll call a truce, Bruce. MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN One day Jen, you'll see that everything I do is for your own good. BIG KIDS and CHILDREN What do you want, Miss Chutney? It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. MRS WORMWOOD walks out from behind the curtain, heavily pregnant. If they start to squeeeeze out of your ears, you're going to need help. ERIC, TOMMY, and BRUCE The less you have to show, the louder you dress it. I sold it for $999. Yes. On a boat, in a car, with your toes all curled - Oh, the places we'll go when I rock your world. Put your light on. And if it's not right, Chocolate cake. That's exactly what you've done. Is your nickname glucose? No one's going to look if you don't stand out. MR WORMWOOD MATILDA If you sit around and let them get on top, you As of now, that's 1 line for each agent currently in the game. Matilda Wormwood: I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. Dinners don't microwave themselves, you know! My mummy says I'm a miracle. Agatha Trunchbull: Wait, Dad, you're going too fast. That's where Ms. Trunchbull lives. In . Adopt me, Miss Honey! Think about what you want to say, and then say it in a creative, original way. . . A celebration of all the wonderful green things in the world, like, er, oh, like lettuce, and snot. Amanda Thripp: Let alone getting the conversation going! And it's made of spikes and wood. DOCTOR And it was the most scrumptious cake in the entire world. You missed it. . It's just pathetic! I'd love to meet her, actually . Where did you get those? Zinnia Wormwood: Have to admit Lights up. You'll never again be subject to abuse for your immense caboose. Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal. FBI Agent Bob: Corny, sweet, and funny all in one. She then steps forward and hugs MISS HONEY tightly. You have to put it right . MRS WORMWOOD Now, look. He dances with the hospital bed that MRS WORMWOOD is lying on. Is it some modern miracle of calculus I'm not hinting, but if you did happen to have a story you wanted . Over the course of the song, she writes on the board: "Copy one million times by tomorrow. MATILDA Their sadness overwhelmed them, and drew them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape the inescapable tragedy of their lives! An audience cheers. There's another crime in the making, your car is about to run a stop sign. front bottom. A life. Looks are more important than books. AAAIIGHHH! [to Michael] "It is where the loneliness of life has led us.". I'm sure you'd , MR WORMWOOD Stories. MISS HONEY The great feat was instantly forgotten, and the applause went on for nearly an hour. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS line up again. The woman from COUPLE 1 blows on a birthday cake as the table splits in two and MATILDA stands from behind it, holding a collection of books from one hand. And that's not right! MISS TRUNCHBULL Hanging down by your ears. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse. But wrong. AAAAAAAHHHH! . MRS WORMWOOD Do we want to do something that rhymes with "truck"? MATILDA THE MUSICAL. It's your father who's going to federal prison. Agatha Trunchbull. This is the cottage from your story! Look! Seven times two is fourteen. Funny Tinder pickup lines. How far can you go? Narrator: Zinnia Wormwood: . Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids, reciting the words as Matilda magically writes them on the blackboard, to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts, He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is, to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers, speaking to Matilda about her and her father, accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water, Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it, Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull, snatching the book from Matilda and tears the pages out of the cover, appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob, after Matilda destroys the Wormwoods' TV with her powers, Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to, she notices that the chocolate box lid is opened and hangs up, she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely, she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her, Jenny enters Ms. Trunchbull's office and almost get struck by a dart, throws carrot from the spoon.