when an ex reaches out after years when an ex reaches out after years

Acknowledge it. Say, you have been applying the no-contact rule after the breakup, be it a mutual decision or one-sided. I'd done something he considered cheating. I'm here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you and it's something you shouldn't ruin. No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because he's stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. Dont reach out with specific expectations about an old friends responsereach out because you would like to hear their voice again and check in, and nothing more. At the time of our relationship, I was still keeping a lot to myself emotionally. Very random in his message he stated that it was crazy for reaching out and that Ive always been brought up in conversion by school mates and that hes sorry if he negatively impacted me and hes always wishing the best for me and hes never forgot me. If your ex contacted you during no contact years after the breakup, you have an important decision to make. Nothing will raise your chances of reconciliation higher than when your ex reaches out to you after he or she has had the time to think thoroughly. 2021 now (keep in mind weve known each other since we were 6, now 22) Stopped talking in 2019 cause I screwed a lot up being a bad friend (during the aftermath she was too. The bitterness, anger, and disappointment buried deep down may rear their ugly heads when this text lights up your screen. Definitely not. This reminds us that whatever the threat is that were facing, it can be overcome. 1. I dont know many adults in choir so I knew it would be best to stay in contact with them. In my opinion, love is love whether its platonic or intimate, in the end the outcome effect can be the same. 8 Things To Do When Your Ex Contacts You Years Later, 4. When were scared, we long for the familiar, and right now, many of us are afraid or concerned in ways that we havent been before ever in our lives. If your ex is single and all their friends are dating, they may go through periods of loneliness where they desperately need to speak to someone. He also had trust issues before we got together. In fact, it can help minimize our own sense of anxiety. When an ex contacts you years later, make sure you dont actively try to turn it into a guilt trip for them. She said she feels guilty for our relationship (as I was involved with someone else at the time.) Getting an outside opinion from someone can prevent this thing from venturing into the tricky territory of hot-and-cold and help you maintain the blissful life you have been leading since the breakup. I was living back in our old area for a little while and had been spending every weekend that summer at a beach club. His entire purpose was to find out truth from me. Just take your time. But your ex cant seem to help themselves and wants to try and drag you down to their pathetic level. Very hard, traumatic at times. After 6 months of balance to initiation of conversation, she stopped getting in touch. Loneliness will cause us to scroll through our phones and contact people we wouldnt normally. Programs. I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. It was important and felt good. I haven't reached out because I think he's married. When an ex contacts you years later, talk to someone about it, 5. You are not the first one to deal with this adverse state of affairs. The only reason your ex is trying tore-establish contactis that they need some advice about a serious issue theyre having. He'd tried to reach out to me a couple times after the break-up. We talked briefly. Dont make up stories when your partner asks you, Why would an ex contact you years later? Be honest and tell them the truth about what your ex has texted you. I dont want to bring up the passed too, rather move forward for the sake of everyone involved. But if youre reconnecting with an ex after 10 years or so, they might be texting you out of a sense of nostalgia and friendliness. QueasyAllday 1 yr. ago ouch TX_Farmer I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. Why did they have to reappear when things were just about to get fine? thoughts like these come and go, wrecking your peace of mind. He then kept trying to reach out later because he was convinced a cartel was trying to kill him and it was my fault. For all you know, theyre just asking for their hoodie back. Theyll reveal whether your ex wants to keep you around out of convenience or if your ex has more selfless plans for you. Its been quite some time since she was a stepmom to your kids, so theres probably no need to message her now. Wont hurt to text them back if alls forgiven and forgotten. When an ex contacts you, you need to weigh the pros and cons practically. Reaching out to an ex years later can play out in one of two ways, you either connect with each other again or nothing good comes of it. Its imperative that you learn why your ex reached out after so many years so that you know what to do with your ex. Just the prospect of talking to an ex after years is bound to give you a lot of anxiety. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. Once you give in to the temptation and reply to their message, you might be left utterly confused about their motivation for texting you. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. like you said, no one would probably get much out of the interaction. He cheated on me more than once and I developed trust issues. A host of questions must be bothering you to the core: Why do exes come back after leaving for someone else? Its not that people want their ex to suffer, per se, its that they may feel a sick ego boost when comparing their progress after your breakup to their own. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. My ex contacted me after 18 months of no contact during lockdown. I suggested spending more time together at hers, or going away together somewhere to stay for a period. I'm not mad that she reached out. After years of single life and suffering from loneliness, they decide to get back together with their ex. A voice can calm us down and we can catch so much more meaning when listening to anothers inflection, tone, rate of speech that texts will never allow even with the latest set of emojis! Learn how your comment data is processed. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. She even made accusations towards me after the first month of our no contact to add salt to the wounds. Its difficult to find someone who accepts you the way you are. Substance use doesn't negate the fact that you put me in the hospital multiple times and caused me significant trauma, PTSD. Only exes who dont talk for 5 years or more sometimes start to change their opinion of their ex. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. So before you take your ex back, make sure your ex wants you for you and not just because your ex can benefit from you and rely on you emotionally. If the person ghosted you leaving you in dire need of closure, you might feel tempted to respond to their message. Apparently he had heard a rumor that I had found out I was pregnant after we broke up and had aborted the baby. When this no-contact situation casts its shadows on your ex, they will look for opportunities to get in touch with you. But that alone wont help you gain closure. You dont need to reply if you dont want to (things could get out of hand). You might be able to tell perhaps by their tone that your ex is reaching out because they're bored, lonely, or having a tough time moving. If your ex talks nicely to you for a little while and then doesnt talk to you for weeks, that could mean that your ex got what he or she was after. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. As if you both needed a reason to get even more heavily chemically attached to each other. Remember, when an ex contacts you, you need to be answerable to yourself first. We're all human. If you still have feelings for your ex, that doesnt mean you should talk to your ex and get your hopes up. They're Looking For An Ego Boost Unfortunately, the knowledge that you're there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. But some people are lucky enough to meet that one person who accepts everything about them. He was going through the program and wanted to make amends. You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. I confirmed that I had actually found out I was pregnant with his child shortly after we broke up but I didnt abort it. They bounce from relationship to relationship and leave when they can no longer ignore their significant others flaws. You get to decide whether to forgive her and alleviate her guilty conscience. I'm very happy with my huband and I know that I made the right decision for myself, but I feel bad that it hurt someone else. Also, a Caffeine headed individual whose day consists of bouts of contemplation about life and afterlife. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. That passed quickly anyway. Nevertheless, when an ex contacts you years later, this is what it means. So, I am trying to find someone to talk to, who will be unbiased toward my situation. I fessed up about the hiding incident, much to my embarrassment, lol. I actually miscarried shortly after confirming the pregnancy. In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. Any normal ex would respect the life youve built for yourself and keep it moving. When you receive a text or call from an ex years after the breakup, the very first thing you must do is learn why your ex reached out to you. And some friendships just arent built to handle the transitions and changes that we go through in life as we grow and develop. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel about it? If you still have feelings for this ex, and are considering the prospect of getting back together, dont just jump into it. . so yeah. hings in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. 1. It means that you must wait for your ex to verbalize or show what he or she wants. He had no intention of getting back with you romantically. I am considering contacting my ex that I havent had contact with I over 5 years. Unfortunately, when they show up like this and vent about their problems on you, then disappear again, it just creates frustration and emotional turmoil for you. Thank you for your article very insightful. Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time and its important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back. I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. First off, it's good to pause before responding. I did some things in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. Before we talk about what to do when an ex reaches out after no contact, we need to discuss what "after" means. When the call, email, ortext messagecomes, dont feel that you need to be polite. Maybe shed met someone else and lost interest because of him. In one job interview, he is asked to name the most significant world event in the last ten years. "You can't compare the person who you experienced a first or early love with to someone who you've had a deep abiding love with for many years through the course of a . They dont get to stalk you on social media and meeting you in person is beyond their reach. Long time. You were important to each other once. I saw my ex post on a facebook page I was a group in. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. The following four steps can help you work through the process. Due to pride, they dont get back together immediately, get on with their lives, and date other people. If the dumper realizes your worth, he or she could learn to respect you again and make you into the most valuable person in his or her life. It weighs on me even now (a few months after) but ultimately I didnt know what to say or how to respond. 4. So, before you slam a sarcastic emoji in their face, grab a tea or a book. Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. Keep me posted. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., is a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University. After 4 years, my ex reached out to me asking how I have been (The end of our relationship was somewhat mutual. It may seem a bit strange to ask your ex that, but dont worry about that. Many a time, people end a relationship in haste without thinking it through. Here are five things to do when your ex reaches out after years. You already have a family to take care of. I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. They broke up in 2007 because Prince William thought he was too young to be in such a serious relationship and wanted to enjoy his youth. Exes sometimes need years to process the breakup and find reasons to communicate. You have to be careful. Its like comfort foodmac-and-cheese may not be haute cuisine and it may not reflect what our normal menu offers, but it brings back images of childhood and safety and security. If you have a partner, think of them as well. reg-o-matic 5 yr. ago After close to 20 years, my ex wife reached out to apologize. One impulsive move can shatter everything. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. Closure, like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself. Youve both moved on, got a new partner, and were happy, so whats the motive? I read it and deleted it without responding. The phrase that "there is safety in numbers refers to our primal need to belong to a tribe of kinpeople and extended kinfictive kin is a word that is used by some groups to describe the close friends who serve in the roles of aunties, uncles, grandparents, etc., even without a blood or legal tie. Reach out because youd like to reconnect to see where someone is at in their life, to share a memory of past times, or offer a show of support and caring. Observe the way he or she speaks to you and see how long it takes for your ex to lose interest and stop talking. Invite them to join you for a drink to catch up, or suggest the two of you grab a coffee sometimes. So first things first, discern what your ex wants from you and secondly, what you can gain from your ex. It's a long story. If you were in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do when your ex reaches out is not to respond. We were together for about 5 years until she broke it off. Here are ten reasons why exes reach out years later. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. I hope his heart is at peace/ease despite things not going how he may have expected. There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. In fact,researchsuggests that 40-50% of peoplere-establish contactwith exes and start a relationship again. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? You had strong feelings for your ex, things didnt end well, and you dont want them disrupting your life. Something is often wrong when an ex comes back into the picture years later. His reply is 'the plain human courage shown by the people of Vietnam', instead of the . With the help of consultant psychologist Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), who is a gender and relationship management expert, lets figure out what you can do to cope with this mysterious text your ex has sent. I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. Perhaps you could lend me an ear?. The SPIVA scorecard, which allows investors to compare the performance of actively managed funds to that of passive funds in the same category, tells a chilling story. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. And for people who arent just trying to cushion the blow while their ex is weeping in front of them, it can be really tough to say no to an ex who reaches out in a friendly way. She apologized for everything and expressed a desire to be friends again. She said marriage is hard, so its possible she finally reflected and realized she was very mean to you after the breakup. I think you did the right thing. When you reach out to a former friend from a place of support and no expectations others than to share a moment of connection, it can leave a lasting feeling of positive connection and appreciation for that persons having been there earlier in your life and when you reached back out in this period of uncertainty. Although your ex could want you back, its much more likely that he or she will just want to find out how you feel about him/her and try to learn what youve been up to. If you dont want to reply, you dont have to and you frankly shouldnt. Some of our newly rediscovered friendships may very well pick back up and grow in their meaning in your lives, as theyll reflect the shared experience of the pandemic anxiety and fallout that is happening as the friendship is heating back up. Shes blocked me off everything , moved twice now. Maybe you thought youve made your peace with whatever happened with your ex. We'd dated in high school, and our break-up was sudden and immature. As youve read, its the norm for people to get back together after theyve been broken up for years. My ex has reached out to me a handful of times over the last 15 years. Ex Reached Out After No Contact. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). My ex reached out to me about 15 years after we broke up. Here Are 16 Coping Tips, The 4 Bases In Relationships That We Unanimously Agree On. I did the same thing with my ex - apologized for my abusive behavior toward him in the past and made it clear I wasn't looking for anything else from him. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. It was two years since the end of the relationship this September and I feel like I have wasted two years of my lifetime. When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. Some couples break up in the heat of the moment for ridiculous reasons. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? 2. Now, she wants to meet for coffee and I cant resist myself because I still need that closure. Why would an ex contact you years later? Each relationship has its own unique conclusion. My ex had these things to say to me after our relationship had ended over five years earlier. HD01;:, Siddartha (Dhritiman Chatterjee) is forced to discontinue his medical studies due to unexpected and brutal death of his father. There was a certain sense of familiarity and comfort in your relationship which is simply hard to replace. No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because hes stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. She is remarried and I do not want to interrupt that but I never had a chance to thank her for being such a great step mom to my children even after we were not in contact. They may sincerely hope to reconnect with you and get back together even though it might not look like that on the surface. I have no idea what to do. Is there any ulterior motive? Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. I'm glad we spoke, given how messily and immaturely things had ended. Somepossible reasonsfor rekindling the relationship include regretting the break-up, the ex is a better partner, and they were soul mates. My husband gave me the grace to get extremely needed closure with him. My ex messaged me after a year. I once reached out though, in a moment of guilt and stress, to an ex in attempt to apologize for everything that happened (at that time 4yrs in the past. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. I got a message on Linkedin today andI'm so confused (the message said I came up in their feed I don't even know how that's possible we live in opposite side of the world, work in different industries and don't share contacts)? You might end up immediately assuming things like: Is this a new start to our relationship? Many years have passed since you were together, so naturally, youve matured and changed quite a bit. However to say a rocky marriage would be an understatement. She responded back instantly. However, the primary reason the no contact rule works is that you're not supposed to respond to your ex. So, be a good human being and talk about it to your partner. When people are experiencing anxiety and fear about their health and well-being, and uncertainty has become the weather and the climate," they often want to make amends with people from their pasts. Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. It really depends on a number of circumstances such as the cause of your breakup, whether your ex has moved on completely or not, if your ex hates you or has no bad feelings towards you.